Welcome to another episode of season 3 of the Pick Me Up Podcasts. Today’s episode is all about allowing you to feel heard and seen Mumma, whilst also providing you with 3 of my top tips on how you can begin to feel like yourself again.
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Transcript of Give Yourself Some Grace
I’m hoping that this episode not only gives you some great practical tips that you can start applying immediately, but my intention is for it to act as a great big hug to you too. Because I know that sometimes that is all we need as Mums, to feel wrapped up , feeling heard and seen. I also know that when you are embarking on your journey on feeling like you again outside of this crazy world of motherhood, that can bring with it some things that we don’t entirely appreciate or need, like the guilt, extra pressure etc. So before we start, let’s take a nice deep breath in together, and sigh it out through your mouth ahhh, and let’s begin…
Now I know it all sounds a bit cliche but what we are discussing today is all about embracing the journey that is life, but on a smaller level, that is finding yourself again. For some women, they jump into motherhood and everything clicks, it’s the missing piece of the jigsaw, its easy, and everything goes smoothly.Now that’s great for those, but I definitely wasn’t one of those women, and I know many of you aren’t. And do you know what, that’s ok too, there really is no right or wrong.
The first thing step to feeling like you again is recognising that it doesn’t have to be this way, and recognising that you feel a bit of discontent and that you don’t want it to be this way is HUGE. Because, that means there’s also a level of acceptance there as well, which is massive. Because to get to a place of acceptance means that we have to put our guilt aside (or at least a percentage of it), or any feelings that we might think we shouldn’t have, like “I’m not enjoying every moment of this”, or “I want more outside of being a Mum”. Also put the guilt aside around actually putting the time into doing what you want to do,
But, it it takes time doesn’t it. Even getting to that initial point of recognition and definitely of acceptance certainly does. It’s a process, it’s a journey, and a lot of what you don’t see, like for example on social media. (Which I think there is more of this starting to come out now), But generally speaking you just see the best bits, or the bits that people have chose to let you in on. You don’t see whats happened behind the scenes, you don’t see the break downs, or hard work or whatever has gone on, the shitty bits, you just see “oh my life is great for example”, but as with any journey there are ups and downs.
It’s like if you’ve downloaded my guide or purchased my Ebook, or maybe this is the first episode you’ve listened to of mine and you feel like (hopefully) “yeah this is great, I’m motivated by this, Im ready,” you’re not going to wake up tomorrow and all of a sudden things be different. And I say that, not meaning to sound like I think you’re stupid, I know that you know this. It’s also just like when you decide you want to lose weight isn’t it, and you join a gym or go to a fitness class, upon signing that form, the next morning, the works not then done. You have to keep going, that’s when the work starts, and along the way, you have a few nights out, or it’s Christmas, we fall of the bandwagon, and then hopefully, you jump back on, and at some point you fall off again. That’s just all part of it, it’s not linear curve. And we know all of this, I am sure as I am saying this you’re thinking “well yeah, of course”, so if this seems so obvious to this kind of scenario, why do we give ourselves such a hard time over something like this?
It’s also like if we buy a new book, like “the 7 steps to change your life” as an example, (I don’t actually know if that’s a book, I just made it up for the purpose of explaining this.) But yeah they likely can change your life, but not just by reading it. This is what we tend to miss I think a lot. You buy the book, you read it, but then you got to do the thing, do the action, do the activity, and that’s the crappy bit, the hard bit, the tough bit. That’s where the support comes in for example, again it’s something I talk about to my subscribers, you’ve got to be supported.
It’s not just like you decide to feel like you again and that’s it. It takes time, it’s not glamorous, but it’s worth it right.
So all of that said, we therefore know that a lot of this is also in the approach. We are saying that we know it takes time, we know it is hard work, and it’s tough. So why, oh why, do we then beat ourselves up as soon as something doesn’t quite go to plan, or we fail to do something we said we would do? In order for this to be something we can keep going with, keep pushing through with and eventually seeing some success with, we have to take a different approach.
So here is my challenge to you, and sure, I am saying this in the context of you feeling like yourself again, but you can certainly apply this to many areas of your life, to be honest, I think you may want too because it really can make a huge difference.
But upon travelling through this “journey”, and I know I keep using that cheesy word, but let’s face it, that’s exactly what it is, what are the good points you can recognise? How can you spot all of the positives instead of just berating yourself for all of the negatives?
Now I call this my challenge, but I am not here to catch you out, I am 100% one of your biggest cheerleaders and will do this alongside you, wanting you to succeed. So let’s look at some ways we can increase that chance of success shall we:
Firstly, I would strongly recommend getting all of this down on paper. If you have been following me for a while on social media, or listening to season 1 or 2 of the podcast you will know how much I love to journal. I am all about getting that stuff down on paper and out of your heads. You may also know I am a sucker for new stationary, so if there’s a new project going on, I am all over that. And I would also recommend creating a ritual around this. I speak about this a lot throughout this series of the podcasts, but this is not just about creating another thing to tick off on your to do list. This is about evoking a feeling, to then generate further actions. So each evening for example, when you sit down, make it a luxury. Do it once you’re in your pyjamas, having just taken the time to take your make-up off properly, applied your face creams or body lotion, or you have your favourite hot drink, or pop some candles on. Create that feel-good environment. And ask yourself the following questions:
What am I grateful for today?
What am I proud of myself for?
How did I show-up today for myself?
You can include others such as, what am I doing well right now? What is working for me?
You don’t even need to ask the same questions every time, but I would encourage you to look at 2 or 3 each day. But the whole point here is about recognition for yourself. Because we don’t take enough time to do that, and why shouldn’t we? We are awesome, come on repeat after me…. I am awesome! You didn’t did you? There’s something we can work on together.
Another thing to do is to recognise yourself for even being at this point. As I said earlier there’s a massive level of acceptance and aware awareness that has to come into play to get here. You are not one of the ones who is happy to just bumble along, or to just accept whatever life throws and come from a place of “Woe is me”. You are doing something about the things that you want to change. I am proud of you for that, and I bloomin’ hope you are proud of yourself too.
Another tip I’d love to share actually links into another episode within this season, but it feels right to touch on it now. When you think about resolutions for example, everyone thinks they are going to overhaul their life with them don’t they. And I think it is a really easy place to come from. I also think that when you think about feeling like yourself again outside of motherhood, and you’ve had this moment of “I can’t give my best to my children, if I am not feeling my best myself”, or, “I can’t pour from an empty cup any longer”, or, “things just cannot carry on as they anymore” for example, it’s easy to approach this like a resolution and go all guns blazing. Now warning, I am almost going to downplay it now, but take the epiphany moment out of it, take the “oh my god yes” this massive moment of “I’ve downloaded this book, signed up to this course, and now my life is going to change” completely out of it. Almost downplay it a little bit so you don’t expect major things quickly. And instead it’s more of, “I am excited to learn, as I am looking to begin to feel a bit more like me again.” I know that doesn’t sound quite as woohoo, but I can’t help but feel like this is much more likely to set us up for success instead of failure.
Which leads me onto my final point lovely: Failure. Embrace that badboy! How do we ever grow and change if things all go swimmingly. The fact that you have felt this discontent is going to allow you to change all for the better, and all in the way you want to. Our learnings come from our failures right? So you are embarking on something new and different right now: How to feel like you when you are now a Mum too. Therefore, if this is new, it’s not always going to go right. But whenever it doesn’t, there is a lesson in there. Perhaps it’s showing us what is really important compared to what we thought was before, or maybe it’s showing us what we really need. Whatever it is, there’s an opportunity to slow down, listen and learn. Let’s embrace that, because that’s truly powerful stuff.
So I really do hope you feel empowered, uplifting, motivated, but also hugely comforted.
Because you know I think you are super amazing, and I really hope you are starting to see and believe that about yourself too.
Sending love, as always.
It has been great to connect with you
Thanks for stopping by, I hope that you found it useful. Please feel free to share any comments or questions you have below, and if you have any requests of topics you’d like to hear then I would love to know.
Why Journaling Is Good For You