As somebody who has focused on personal development for just under half of her life, I honestly didn’t think that I would hit a point where I would be re-discovering myself. Perhaps I was a little naive in my thinking, and perhaps we all hit a point in our lives where we question who we are, what our purpose is and where we are going? Who knows! I just know that I hit a point where I felt I had lost touch with who I was and what my direction in life was. Being certain that others would be feeling the same at some point I feel the need to share my journey, as well as sharing where this has led me to now. May it inspire you, or maybe act as some comfort, or perhaps it will just be a good read, whatever your reason for following, I hope you enjoy.
A Little Background
So I have already shared my personal development journey with you up to the point of becoming parents and raising a one-year-old. So yes, it would be fair to say that my journey has evolved over time, from a focus of how I can be in the best shape I can and assist my Personal Training clients the best way I can, to adjusting to the mindset of a Mummy, and all the mental “s**t” that comes with that. So allow me to let you into my life in a way I haven’t done before, because to be honest, if you’re interested in reading this then I can at least honour that with my openness and honesty. But I also hope in doing this, it may help some of you relate too. So I think my “re-discovery” actually started around 4 1/2 years ago when I had some personal “stuff” to deal with, like we all do at some point. But in all honesty, it all came a bit too heavy and a bit too fast: Within the space of a year two close family members were taken from us far sooner than they ever should have been, and in a way that was cruel, sudden and very unexpected. It was also within this time that I took a risk and made big changes to my professional work, of which it didn’t work out (you win some you lose some right!). So with all of that in mind, it’s natural at a time like this you question what life really is all about right! However, whilst I questioned this, looking back now I realise that I really wasn’t in the right head space to address this. I did try exploring areas of acceptance and different ways to deal with all of this in such a short amount of time but I just wasn’t ready to process it all. Grief hits us all differently I guess.
Then came the addition of a little one into our family, something we had planned for but something that nobody can really fully prepare you for right? So of course, then came all the emotions that go with being a new parent: A whole heap of questioning if you’re doing things right, worrying all the time that you’re not good enough and let’s not even get started on the mum guilt! Be sure to check out my podcast all about guilt by the way for some tips on how to deal with it (I mean let’s face it, as a Mum, it isn’t something that’s ever going to go away). It was definitely during this time that I felt like I lost my identity and I struggled to really figure out who Emma was in all of this. Fast forward 12 months and we then hit a global pandemic that seen us not only having to celebrate our little boys first birthday alone, but also having to work out how we would financially make it through with no income (because of Covid) and to top it off finding out that we were expecting our second child (something we had planned for, but definitely not in these circumstances), and would have to go through that whole process during lockdown. (Head over to my blog on pregnancy and lockdown for more)
Simply writing that makes me want to say “Give yourself a break woman!” But if you’re a Mum, I am sure, (in fact I know), that you will completely appreciate how unsettling and confusing bringing a new baby in to the world can be. Let alone doing it in the middle of a global pandemic, as well as dealing with everything else on top of that too. So it’s no wonder I didn’t feel ready to answer those big deep questions that I still felt were burning deep inside of me.
But, fast-forward another year and our second little bundle of joy is here, we are navigating our way through the pandemic and we are most definitely finding our feet. And then, out of the blue, there comes the natural flow and motivation that I was artificially trying to create over the last few years.
So Then What?
Well I knew that even though I only had my baby just a couple of months ago, for whatever reason, call it stars aligning, divine timing, enough dissatisfaction, call it whatever you want, I just knew that I felt ready to make some form of change. I didn’t know at this point what that meant, but you could say that I was on that frequency of attracting some kind of answer my way. So when a course was proposed to me, that would allow me to connect to myself again, as well as create something that feels aligned to my soul purpose I definitely felt ready to at least take a look and see how it could potentially benefit. I really do think there is something to be said about not pushing things and forcing yourself to make a decision or make changes in your life before you are actually feeling ready to.
But forcing or pushing was certainly not something that I felt was necessary at this point as I just knew that completing this course felt right, and it was absolutely something that I had to do.
An INTENSE But Incredibly Powerful 8 weeks.
So as I have already mentioned, I have spent a good 10+ years working on my own personal development. Whether this is from courses I have attended for myself, or for qualifications I have completed for my work but also benefited personally from too. What I therefore didn’t quite expect, was just how life-changing this time would be for me. I spent a considerable amount of time unravelling my limiting beliefs and working through them to replace them with more serving ones (who knew that you could have so many), I gave considerable thought and work to my current identity and who I see myself being and showing up as in my life, and started to become much more aware of a tiny percentage of the mere 60,000 thoughts we have each day (yup, you read that right!). As well as working on exactly how I would like my life to be and how I would like to incorporate working with others in to this too.
Did I have some reservations? Of course I did! And what was the biggest? You guessed … TIME!!! That’s all us mums seem to talk about right? Not having enough time, how do we find the time? So naturally, I questioned how on earth I would be able to dedicate the time to this. But, I knew that I needed this. and therefore knew that I would absolutely find a way to make this work.
So how is my life different now as a result of the learning and progress that I have made? Well, quite honestly it has hope again, and happiness. I have learnt that the sun does absolutely shine after the darkest and most difficult of storms, and that it is all about divine timing, and to trust this. This came to me because it was right to at this time. I have also definitely learnt to be more vulnerable, and the power this has not only for me, but for others too.
We were asked at the end of these 8 weeks to give ourselves a message/ a mantra to carry forward, and mine is this, “You are good enough, you have got this, you deserve this. Trust your journey”
What I do know that is that I am incredibly excited to continue on this journey, to continue working on myself and to continue to look at new ways that I can support, inspire and make a difference to as many people as possible.
How This Has Evolved
This course was definitely just the beginning of my journey. What I have actually begun to understand a lot more now, is that life will continue to be a journey of which there will be periods of sunshine, and periods of storms and dark clouds. But having come out the other side of one of the deepest and darkest clouds I have ever found myself in, I know that it is indeed possible to do that now. I also know that this will continue to evolve, no doubt when the children start childcare, or school, and then, dare I even say it now, leave home (yikes, let’s not even go there!).
Jim Rohn explains this wonderfully by describing it like the seasons. He says “learn how to handle the winters, they come right after falls, with regularity. Some are long, some are short, some are hard and some are easy, but they keep coming” He also says “You must learn to handle difficulty, it comes right after opportunity” It is summed up perfectly with “The lesson you must learn is how to handle it”
Join Me On The Ride
So I’m guessing that you reading up until this point either means that you are feeling like you’ve got so far you may as well carry on, or you are genuinely interested in how things are turning out. I rather hope it’s the latter, but you can’t win them all hey!
If you are indeed genuinely interested then I am incredibly excited to keep riding this rollercoaster with you, as I promise to share my honest thoughts and emotions (the good and the bad), along with my progress and my challenges. All in aid of providing either support, comfort or inspiration to as many as I can. You can follow my journey on Instagram and Facebook
As you may or may not know by now, my passion is making a difference and supporting others. Through my 14 years of coaching experience, and now my own experience of not only facing many of life’s challenges but also becoming and being a Mummy, I am excited to be working on something where I can support many of you through your own journey.
Be sure to keep you eyes peeled. And as you will see, this is just part 1, as like I have mentioned this is most certainly a journey so I look forward to sharing part 2 with you all soon.
So until next time,
It’s love to you all, as always xxx